Let me set the mood with music….

I’m goin’ under y’all!!! I’m spooked and I dont deny it. Some of the SB’s think I’m over reacting, but I really dont care. I’ve gotten a wake up call and I’m no longer living in la-la land.

Lemme explain. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE pictures. I love taking them at every event, I love to capture every moment possible cause you’ll never get that moment back (and with my jacked up memory, I better have a record!) I came into this blogging game to keep up with my girls when we had kind of drifted apart, and ended up making a lot of good friends along the way. It had never occurred to me that posting my picture on the web would end up being a bad thing. I know, I know. A lot of you are probably saying, “Well DUH!! How could you NOT know that?!!” I really dont know. I have no excuse, but I really didnt think about it.

Well, some how I’ve acquired my 4th stalker over a 2 year period. I suppose he’s come to take the empty spot that lip fungus work guy left open when he moved out of the area (click here to read about smeagol.) Guess where this new stalker is from…no, not my job. No, not Myspace. No, not bloggerland….I’ll just tell you (you’re kinda slow…LOL!). He’s from EVITE!!! I KNOW! Evite! Never would’ve even guessed that stalking would’ve originated from Evite. I mean, last I checked, Evite was a place for sending out online invitations to friends/family. I could be wrong, but that’s what I thought it was for. Okay…where was I?? Oh yeah!

Yesterday I RSVP’d for a friends housewarming party, and I have my picture on my evite profile. Today I get an Evite inbox message (hadnt ever used that functionality since I set up my evite account over 3+ years ago!!) This email is from some guy saying the following:

————————————————————————————————-

SUBJECT: hey gorgeous!

MESSAGE:
i heard from a lil birdy that you’re local… i LOVE you
pic are you single?
i live in your town
————————————————————————————————

Okay, now I just want to point out that this fools picture was on the email. I couldnt see his face well. He has his shirt off, hands behind his back…leg cocked out to the sided the way cheerleaders used to stand back in high school. You know! Where the leg is bent and the foot rests on the opposite leg in a V sorta shape? I dont know if I’m capturing it right, but pretty it much looked very…um…I’ll say feminine/crazy. Now to top it all off, this fool was posing in front of a freezer with this crazy azz look on his face!!! What the hell is that about? Is he showcasing where he hides the bodies? I dont care to find out.

After some thought, I figured Cheerleader Leg Guy musta seen my picture and gotten my info from my friends evite (he knows a billion people.) I personally think this was totally inappropriate. He didnt mention who he knew me through, or how he got my name…NOTHING! Not to mention the whole girlie leg stance thing (it would bother you too if you saw it!) So in the end I ignored that email.

While I’m explaining the whole situation to Squirrel Girl, I checked my work email. WHY did I have an email from this fool AT MY JOB????? Now I’m trippin. My girls dont even have my work email address! The email just read: “What are you doing for lunch today?” That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less. I kept saying over and over again that I was gonna kill my friend (who I assumed musta given my work email address out in attempts to hook me up.) In the end, I ignored it.

It struck me that I should go look at the evite from my friend more closely and see if Cheer-Leg Guy was also going to the house warming party. Low and behold his name wasnt on it at all! I figured as much after thinking about it, cause I doubt that any of my friends would have some dude trying to reach me without warning me first. That’s foul. If I do have a friend doing that, they obviously dont know me very well, and we’re gonna have a long harsh azz conversation when I figure out who it is *fists waving in the air.*

I’m trippin now cause I dont know who this guy is, where he got my info, and how he got my work address. I guess you can find anything on the web, but dayum! My work email address??!!! So I figured out how to make my evite profile private, and I’m contemplating removing my pic from everything everywhere. I mean, I never tripped that I could be walking around in my hometown and have some crazy maniac knowing my face from the web, my personal bizness, and possibly following me around adding themselves to my growing list of psycho stalkers. I know that may be extreme but I’m still not cool with the possibility.

So you thought that was it? So did I. I left work for lunch and when I get back I had a message. I didnt recognize the voice, but when I heard the fools whole message I dayum near dropped the phone. It was Cheer-leg guy!!! Now I may have laughed before when retelling the story to my girls, but after I heard the message I wasnt laughing anymore. The guy didnt say much except that he knew “this may sound weird”, but he wanted me to call him or email him back cause I was “gorgeous” (and would be even more gorgeous stored in his meat locker.) He said he didnt know if I was at work or not though. Again, he didnt tell me how he knows of me, or give me any details about himself.

So when I got home (on the counsel of my friends), I emailed him letting him know I was NOT available, and that I wanted to know who he got my info from. He emailed right back…and when I say “right back” I mean RIGHT BACK. He started gushing again about my looks and then said he would take me out to a free lunch if I’d call. He also said that he couldnt tell me who gave him my info. I’m starting to think he really may not know anyone I know. I mean, there are other ways of getting info on people…if you really wanted it. I’m kinda spooked now cause my town isnt that big. I dont know where he got my info or if it has anything to do with blogging or whatever, but I’m going under. Call it crazy, call it over-reacting, but I dont care. I’ve already changed the blog profile pic and other online profiles (e.g. Evite), and I’m slowly phasing out all the other pics on the blog (after a long discussion with the other SB’s.) People ARE crazy out there, and I probably should take more care on the web.

It’s bittersweet though, cause I feel like I’ve met some really cool folks via blogging whom I consider my friends. I dont mind them knowing what I look like and all that, but it’s those silent stalkers. The ones who never comment, who dont even have a blog, who sit in the dark combing their deceased cats hair while talking about themselves in the third person that I’m starting to worry about.

Be careful ladies!!!

Always in love…unless you’re a stalker. Plain and simple.

Chops~

Another stalker song for you by Jill Scott-

Hey ya’ll we’re back. Yes, the site’s been kinda dead. Yes, we’ve been thinking about killin’ the blog. No, elderly midget aliens did not abduct Beg and force her to marry their leader (That was just a rumor).

So what’s been up? I cant speak for the other Songbirds, but as for me, it’s been recovering from the Ebola virus I caught down in Hawaii, and catching up on a ton of work.

Now what we’ve all been waiting for…the Brutha Code (BC)/Songbirds Blogger Meet Up Recap!! Yes folks, we’ve really met the wordsmith himself in all his glory! So enough delaying, let me get right to it.

***Disclaimer - - - - - This recap is based purely on the Songbirds recollection of events. The Sangria flowed heavily that night so it is very likely that BC may not recall every single incident. But rest assured BC…we all met up and tied the pieces together to ensure that we provided the most accurate recount of events - - - - ***

The night started out cool. We (the Songbirds) headed out to San Francisco to meet up with BC at his hotel. Of course since we had planned to be there at about 8pm, there was major gridlock leading up to the Bay Bridge Toll Plaza. Of course! Beg and I rode together, and Ja-me and ScorpioK rode together because they would have to leave earlier that evening.

While stuck in stop-and-go traffic, Beg and I started our own car party with hits from the 80’s that I’d sought out and ripped to my new MP3 player (Archos baby!!). We spun “right round baby right round, like a record baby”, right along with Dead or Alive. At some point Beg had this bright idea that I should jump out of our stationary car, and do a baby jig right smack dab in the middle of the bridge toll plaza. Assuming that I might not comply due to the absurdity of her request, she decided to sweeten the pot by offering ONE WHOLE DOLLAR! By the time she had offered I was already halfway out the door. I jumped out, and did my signature motor dance from one of my favorite movies, “Mr. Wrong.” Cars honked, people stared, some cursed, and some made indecent proposals, but it was all over in less than a minute.

”You Spin Me Round” – Dead or Alive

***So for all you BC blog readers – when he mentioned that it’s amazing what I’d do for a dollar on a bridge, he didn’t mean that I was some cheap crack whore literally looking to make a quick buck. No. Not. At. All. Freaks. LOL!***

When we finally made it to the hotel we noticed a nice looking brutha in all white standing by the entrance to the building…and then we kept looking around attempting to find BC (LOL!!). Lo’ and behold, it WAS BC! LOL!

As soon as BC jumped into the car we all clicked…rather - as soon as he shut the door, ripped off his shirt, stood through Beg’s sunroof twirling his jacket around in the air screaming, “Eat your heart out San Francisco!!!” - we clicked. LOL! He ended up being really easy to chop it up with, and he seemed like he could probably handle our unique brand of insanity. But only time would tell.

In the car on the way to Cha Cha Cha’s (to BC’s delight) we indulged his every 80’s music need. We hit him up with a little Al B. Sure, Hi-Five, Tracie Spencer, and the knock that had him biting his lip and curling up his toes - “Happy” by The Boys. Yeah, we grooved in that car all the way to the bar/restaurant.

”HAPPY” – The Boys

“Off On Your Own” - Al B. Sure

Now, in BC’s post, he mentioned that the Sangria’s flowed freely. What he didnt mention is WHY the Sangria’s flowed so freely. The fact of the matter is that BC got on the bar and did a tantalizing strip tease for the bartender and patrons. It was quite a show. We would’ve gotten to eat for free, had it not been for his oh so precious self-respect! Oh well, maybe next time. Now in his defense (before you all start to judge), we doubt BC was aware of what he was doing. All of the Songbirds are almost positive that someone slipped him a Mickey earlier on.

After finishing off our pitcher of FREE Sangria, preventing Ja-me from getting into a fight with various other patrons (due to our resident instigator ScorpioK, and her recruit BC), we decided to take a walk around the block to kill time (our table wouldnt be ready for over an hour). We ended up at near by local bar where we had a few more drinks, and the conversation opened up. At some point our plot to get BC on “payroll” came out, in addition to our initial plans to take him to another local bar named “Martuni’s.” He was actually down with going, until he found out it was a gay piano bar. It seemed that after we spilled the beans about Martuni’s, BC got much more vocal about the fact that he “didnt swing that way!” LOL! No one had ever doubted the fact that he was a total ladies man. Ever!! LOL!

“True” - Spandau Ballet

After finishing our drinks and freak watching, we headed back to Cha Cha Cha’s for dinner. During dinner we had some very passionate dialogue relating to the current state of the Pimp N’ Hoe game, as well as it’s relevance and necessity in society today. I still get chills when I think about Ja-me’s hard-hitting statements (don’t spoil the hoe with free boots….). I realize now that BC more than likely had no idea that we were still trying to get him on our payroll. LOL!

(BC Disrespecting the squid)

After dinner Ja-me and ScoprioK said their goodbye’s. That’s when the REAL fun began! LOL! I’m totally kidding guys!

After leaving Cha Cha Cha’s, Beg, BC and I headed out to a few more “cool” SF night spots that ended up being closed (that’s the problem with the Bay Area. The night life ends soooo early). So after our last attempt (I think it was the Paragon), we settled for a little bar called Annabelle’s.

Now on the way to Annabelle’s a very common, yet interesting incident occurred. We were walking up the street minding our own business when BC was approached and propositioned by a “female with spare parts”, half a weave, wearing a dirty pink and blue feather boa, a tight mini-skirt, clear hooker heels, an ankle bracelet that read “Bro-Hoe”, and a fitted baby tee that read “I Can Flow with the Down Low”. Of course Bruthacode was disgusted, but it was still hilarious! Dont remember that BC? Well we do. LOL!

After Annabelle’s we dropped BC back off at his hotel and said our goodbyes. After some deep discussion all the Songbirds agree that he is definitely Songbird material! He has been dubbed “Song-Brutha” and wears the title proudly! ***BC - did you receive your gold spray-painted plastic medal, and the engraved rubber plaque yet?***

So all in all it was a great night for everyone. BC appeared to enjoy our diverse (some would say insane) personalities, and vice versa. He fit right in! So BC, We had a great time! See you next blogger meet up!!

All in love…unless you’re one of the jerks on the bridge honking and complaining as I’m doing my special motor dance. The cars are stationary! You’re not going anywhere! Enjoy the show…dayum! Let go and let flow!!!

Chops~

P.S. Does anyone else remember the song “Pass the Dutchie” by Musical Youth?
“Pass the Dutchie” - Musical Youth

The new Get-Along-Gang

Mkay. So I’m out in Hawaii visiting my sister and trying to help out with the new baby. A lot of help I’ve been!!

First off I’ve been horribly sick from the moment I stepped off the airplane 2 weeks ago. The night before last I started having these horrible slicing sensations in my head. I kept feeling a pop in my head, then it felt like someone was using a steak knife to carve out 4 sections of my brain. It went on all night and I cried and cried. The next morning (yesterday morning) I called emergency cause it was hurting so bad that I couldnt take it (in addition to still being sick after 2 full weeks).

I went to urgent care, and they ran tests and thought I may have had an aneurism since they run in my family. I then went to emergency all the way across town, where I had a spinal tap, and a catscan. That spinal tap hurt soooo bad I was bawling like a freakin baby (I cant even imagine how women in labor do it!!). I was there in the hospital for over 9 hours and my poor sister had to sit in the waiting room with the baby for most of it.

Anyways, come to find out I have a bad case of acute sinitus (an inflammation of the membranes lining the sinuses.) which they caught on the catscan.

I’m back at my sis’ house, and I’m beginning to feel much better now that I’m on antibiotics and can keep food down.

On happier news, the baby is soooo cute and good. She’s not too fussy as long as she’s fed when she wants to eat (definitley got my side of the families genes!!), and the hubby is a real sweetheart.

That’s all the updates I’ve got for now.

Pray guys….PRAY!!!

Chops, I think your dog may have a similar problem.

Mmkay….too be clear, I didnt have a baby personally. Actually my sister had her first baby!

I’m sooooooo happy! My niece was born on Feb. 10th, 2006! She’s my first niece and I’m just sooo excited (can you tell???)!

I’m even more excited cause I’ll be going to Hawaii to visit my sister, her hubby, and my baby niece in 2 weeks! I’ll also be able to take a much needed break from work for a minute. A huge reason I’m going so soon is because I have a ton of paid time off that I’m pretty much gonna lose if I dont take it before mid March this year. They actually said they’d only pay me a “percentage” of what my time off is worth, so I might as well take it off!! Plus they’ll probably tax the hell out of it!

Anyway, it’s kinda surreal to have a niece. I’m sure it’s nothing like having the baby yourself, but it’s still crazy. I keep thinking about what I’m gonna buy her, where I’m going to take her when she’s old enough, how much fun we’re gonna have!! Yayy!

Now, I’m not just saying this because she’s got some of my blood mixed in her veins, but she’s gorgeous. I know I’m not being biased cause when I got the first 2 pictures from my brother-in-laws camera phone I was kinda iffy. I knew she would “grow up” to be a beauty, but the new born pic wasnt..um..well, you know. I know it sounds bad, but it’s rare I see a new born baby that doesnt look strange.

Case in point, my old college roommate. Her baby boy had one of them cone heads. I’m not poking fun, I’m being serious! BEG can attest to this!!! At first I was kinda wondering if the dad had a cone head too and it was just hereditary, but come to find out they had to use a clamp thingy (I imagine it looks like the tongs one uses to pull fried chicken out of poppin hot grease) to drag the kid kicking and screaming out of her womb. So there was actually a reason why he looked the way he did as a new born. I’m sure he’s beautiful now though

Another odd looking baby was one I saw one of my moms “friends of the family” photo albums. He was one odd looking kid (I’m being really generous here). He was all scrunched up and constipated looking. His little hairline stopped a few inches below his eyebrows (can you picture it??). Beg and I named him Maynard…this unknown baby still holds a special place in our hearts.

Please dont get it twisted, I LOVE babies. They’re like little puppies! They’re soft, and whenever I’m around they smell nice, and they dont talk back, roll their eyes, scream at the top of their lungs for no freakin reason, call you out of your name in public, or look at you like YOU’RE the one that was born yesterday without a lick-a-sense. No, they’re gentle and sweet and precious! And I know for a fact that the newborn baby look isnt an indication of what the baby will look like later on. 9 times out of 10 that odd looking baby’s gonna be on that list of Americas most beautiful people.

All that said, here are a few pictures of my baby niece whom I love soooooo much and I havent even met her yet!! For those of you praying folks out there, please keep my sisters family in your prayers. Pray for protection over Amaya and that she grows up having a strong personal relationship with God in Christ.

Always in love….From a proud auntie!!
Lambchop~

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you
sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Tequila..

Tequila. is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. Tequila. can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do
just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila. almost
immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any
obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will
discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Tequila..

Tequila. may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use Tequila.. However, women who wouldn’t mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may
include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, exploration of homosexual tendencies,
loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of
virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration,
dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of
Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila.. Leave Shyness Behind.

Now I know I was suppose to be writing about my son and his problems with teling about school work, but I forgot about this entry I wrote and never posted. Now this event happened toward the end of last year. Enjoy!!!!!

Ok, I told you guys that I would be posting again. I am so busy but I need to catch up. Ok my step-brother just got married a couple of weeks ago. Now my step-brother (we will call him Bobby) has two kids without his new wife (we will call her Whitney), and Whitney has two kids without her new husband Bobby. Now they both have two kids together. Yes people if you are keeping count that is a grand total of six kids all together. Just so you know the ages are 15(girl), 12(boy), 12(girl), 11(boy), 4(boy), 1 1/2(boy). All but one lives in the house. Needless to say all of them were in the wedding. They also had family members helping with just about everything. For example one aunt cooked the food, a niece and a daughter made the party favors, a sister and sister in-law made the invitations and so on and so on. Now I’m not tryin to say there is anything wrong with that but, when you start to ask your guest to video tape your wedding for then I think you went a little too far. Oh, wait I think I can top that, when you ask your guest to help serve the food to your other guest, then you went too far.

Don’t get me wrong the wedding was nice, and we had alot of fun. It started a half an hour late (so right on time for black folks). The father of the groom (my step father) didn’t show up. My step sister (25yrs) who NEVER wears a dress or strappy heels was all dolled up just for the wedding and the pictures. As soon as she sat down to eat she took them off and gave them to a cousin. Now why didn’t the father of the groom show up? I know all of you was asking that question. Well his first excuse was he had to go pick up his tux because they messed up his measurements, then it was he had a flat tire on the way to get the tux, then it was he was getting gas and was on his way. So a bunch of b*llsh*t. Of course he hasn’t spoken to the newlyweds yet. But he knows how they feel because the guest that was video tapping the affair was your truly. So when I came home with the tape we watched it a couple of times and made sure he seen it. So all in all we had fun.

UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!

I just got finished writitng a long(ish) post about what I have been going through with my son and his lack of telling me about his report and project he had to do for school, and it is now gone. Chops, if you are out there you have to find it for me. My brain hurts, I’m tired of writing. If I find it, I will post it. If I can’t then I will be writing another. DAMN COMPUTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got a call a few days ago about my ex- Mr.Jack@ss Circus Midget. My folks gave me a call to let me know the haps. Now, I never ask cause I could really careless, but if they call offering it I usually just listen and giggle on my end.

Recap: After they eloped, Mr. Circus Midget moved Mrs. Ghetto Fab Midget, into his home (did I mention she brought her ghetto fab over 18 year old brother, and 5 kids along for the ride?). They lived in wedding bliss for a good few months, and he began making quite a bit of money selling homes (she didnt have a job when they met, and had no intention of ever getting one). He bought her a BMW (or she took his) shortly after (this is all hearsay, so some of the details may be convoluted).

**Click here for a detailed recap**
New Stuff: Apparently, Mrs. Getto Fab Midget recently got a restraining order against Mr. Circus Midget, and had him kicked out of his own house. As it stands today, he’s living back at home (with his momma), fighting to get the BMW back, and trying to find a loop-hole around her claims for alimony.

Baby Momma Midget (his kids mom), has made the final decision to move back to the south with her kid. I suppose she’s sick of high prices, low wages, and a stingy-knee high baby daddy.

Rumor has it that Mr. Circus Midget has been complaining day and night about how horrible he’s got it, and how his wife, baby momma, and mother are making his life miserable (deja vu?), like he’s had absolutely NOTHING to do with his circumstances. I piddy da fool!

Now, when I heard all of this I laughed. Not a giggle or a light flutter, but a deep, low in your belly, full of vibrato type of laugh. Now dont get me wrong, I laughed…I did…I dont deny it. But underneath the laugh, I really hope that Mr. Circus Midget learns from his experiences, and begins to treat others the way he would like to be treated (I could’ve sworn they taught that in kindergarten…maybe he was out sick that day).

So in the end I’m saying the same thing I said in my last post about him…I pray he grows from his experiences, but grown or not, I know he better not call me. I really cant help ya bruh. Nope. Sorry. Uh-uh. Peace.

Chops~

ScorpioK sent this to me. I’ve decided that I’ll be passing this form out to any prospective dates from this point forward. Feel free to jump on the bandwagon!

Chops~

Dating Application

Name ________________ ______________ ___________

Address __________________________________________________

City _________________________ State _____ Zip ___________

Home # _________________ Cell# __________________

Do you live with any of the following: (circle)

Grandmother // Parents // Mother // Father // Girlfriend // Baby Mama // Alone // Nowhere // Wife // Auntie // Other _______

Weight _______ Height ________ Ethnicity: Black // Hispanic // White // Other_____

Date of Birth ______________ Age ____ SS# _____-___-_________

Any Children (circle yes or no) Yes // No
If yes, how many _______

How many Baby Mamas? _________

If more than one, please name below. Use separate sheet of paper if need more room._____________

Ever been married (circle ) Yes // No

If yes, how many times? _____

Are you or have you ever been on the Down Low? (circle one) Yes // No

Do you owe child support? (Circle one) Yes // No // Don’t Know

*If your ex is getting state benefits (childcare, food stamps, etc), then you owe somebody something. Especially tax payers. Stop here and go take care of your damn kids.

*Please use a separate sheet of paper to compile a list of goals and accomplishments.

Did you graduate from high school? (circle one) Yes // No

Name of high school (if yes) _________________________________

Have you received any of the following? (Circle One)

GED // Diploma // Nothing

*If you did not complete any of the above, please stop here and return to school.

Any college? (circle one) Yes // No // Still Enrolled // Graduated

Have you ever been to jail? (circle one) Yes // No

If yes, what for? (be very, very, very detailed)_______________________________________

Have you ever been to prison? (circle one) Yes // No

*If you have answered yes to the above question, please STOP HERE and call your P.O. immediately.

Employed? (circle) Yes // No

*If no, please stop here!

If yes, where and how long? _____________________________________________

Do you have heath insurance? Yes // No

When did you last visit the dentist? _______________________________

When was the last time you have been to the doctor? ___________________________________

What for? _________________________________________________

List any (all) illnesses. Use separate sheet of paper if needed. __________________________

Do you have or have you had any of the following? (please circle all that may apply)

Hep A // Hep B // Hep C // Herpes // Mononucleosis // HIV/AIDS // The Bird Flu // West Nile Virus // Crabs // Chlamydia // Gonorrhea // SARS // Head Lice // Ringworms // Boils // A cold // Sex Change // Shingles // Something that you can’t spell //Meningitis // Measles // Mumps // Ebola Virus // Bunions // Hot Toe

*If you have circled any of these, do NOT turn in your application. See the doctor immediately and leave me the hell alone.

Do you or have you ever used (ingested in any way) any of the following: (circle all that apply)

Crack/Cocaine // Heroin // Paint // Markers // Ecstasy // Glue // Bad pills // Snuff // Anything under the kitchen sink // Dirty socks

By signing below, you agree that all of the information given above is true to the best of your knowledge. For my protection, you may be asked to provide the following information upon request: state ID, birth certificate, recent payroll stub, a recent clean bill of health from a certified physician or practitioner. Falsifying information may result in termination of this relationship (if applicable), and a severe ass whooping by my project cousins Pookie, Ray-Ray, Darnell, Lil Krazy or all of the above.

Applicants Signature ___________________________________________________________

Print Name ____________________________________________________________

Date ________________________________________

Do any of you think your dreams have any life impacting significance?

I’m not just talking about at just one point in someone’s life. I’m talking about any dream that you’ve ever had that stayed with you. A very deep, and personal dream about anything.

I don’t believe in dream books, but I was curious to get some other thoughts on this…

(Note to Chops: Your strange and unusual dreams do not apply!)

Holla Atcha Gurl!!!!

First and foremost….PLEASE WISH JA-ME A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! The old gal celebrated another birthday, and we are all sooooo happy that she was born on December 28th!!

Ja-me sent this to me and the other Songbirds last week. It’s funny, but then again it isn’t.

Apparently a lady submitted her name and number to a daytime radio station in order to have them work with her to pull a holiday prank on her husband. The couple had been having issues, and she thought that a cute prank would add some much needed laughter to the relationship.

The radio station contacted her at work to let her know she had been chosen, and they immediately called her husband at home on air to pull the prank….all hell broke loose.

Take a listen….

http://media.987kissfm.com/_SHARED/Podcasts/crankgonebad.mp3

Chops~

I decided not to bore you to death with posts from each day of the cruise so here are the rest of the highlights…

We docked in Rome , visited The Vatican, The Sistine Chapel (where I was unable to take pictures), and ended the day at the Coliseum. (We also saw Michelangelo’s David at the Galleria Dell’Accademia somewhere in there but I can’t remember what day and did not take any pictures.)









On board pictures:
Grandma and my uncles partner swing dancing:
Naked Neighbor:
This idiot was naked on his deck almost every night…ewww!

The club:
Grandma and I ditched everyone else and went out several nights during the cruise. How many people can say they went drinking and sang karaoke with their 85 year old grandma?

The Deck:

Sunset (in Turkey) from the Deck:

Pompeii:
Signs:

Inside the city:

Cast of victim of Mt.Vesuvius:

Caligulas Arch:

Sicily (Taormina)
Sign:

Shoreline:

Another Theater:

Shopping area (the good part!):

Zafferana, Italy
Sign:

Sheep in the middle of the street:
We were forced to pull over while a huge heard of sheep took over the main road.

Villa Grande Winery:
I bought lot’s of Grappa!

The Villa:

Barrels:

Sorrento Italy:
Misc Picture:




Rhodes Island, Greece
Another ruin of something or another (hey, I took over 500 pictures!) :

The city:

Water:

ND:
Me in my birthday shirt from Ja-me or (SG) or whatever she is calling herself today…..I don’t know why my hair is sticking straight up on top so don’t ask.

Tree:

Entrance to ancient city that people still live in!:

Kusadasi, Turkey (Ephesus):
Sign:

I’m a Christian sign:
In the ancient days Christian business would leave this mark outside there door to let other Christians know which businesses/people were friendly.

Headless politician (he pissed someone off):
They would cut the head off the statues if the person they represented fell out of favor with the general public, rather harsh I think.

Brothel Sign:
This sign was in front of the local brothel, right next to the library. Hmm, I guess they would go read, then go….

Another Coliseum (My sunglasses are so big I look like Ray Charles, guess I better toss those) :

WC’s (that I had to pay to use!!!):

Athens, Greece:
Sign:


MISC:
If my memory is working (which is rare) most of these pictures were taken in Italy and Rome
Hotel California:
I traveled thousands of miles and still ended up where I began.

Me on some bridge in Italy:

Mom and Grandma being Cute:

Why I love Black men (I’ll give you one guess…. LOL):
alt="out of balance" />

Corinth,Greece:
Sign:

The city:


Irritation setting in:
This was the last day of our trip and if you look closely you will see that while my mother and grandmother are smiling, my uncle looks pissed off. I think it’s hysterical.

It all ended well:

I’m tired now so that’s it but Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Oh love!! Why hath thou spurned me? Why hath thou forsaken me???!!! Had we not a timeless love affair? Did not my lips, my tongue, my stomach envelope you with sweet surrender…with loyal bliss?? And you…did you not willingly flow into the depths of my bowel, lingering there until that moment of full consumption?

Why then do you mock me? Why then do you terrorize me? Why then do you lodge your essence in my throat, chocking me with every fulfilling gulp? You violently rip at my esophagus, as would a gerbil in a mans arse (e.g. Richard Gere). You cause my acids to rise, my body to drench itself in sweat, then sadistically quake until you are involuntarily spewed from my mouth with such an odor and flavor that I can not begin to express.

I do realize it is over. I guess you and I will never again merge as one. No Macchiato, no chocolate, no milkshakes, no brie.

But take note of this, my love…. Forever will I long for you, and forever will I suffer each time I see you slurped, licked, or chewed by another.

I will try find strength in the saying of old…”It is better to have been lactose tolerant once, than to have never been lactose tolerant at all.”

Adieu Milk…adieu.
Chops~

_____________________________

Lately life has been hectic. I have yet to return phone calls, emails, notes, pages, telegrams…etc. I havent even been able to read any of my favorite blogs, or even speak at length to my fellow Songbirds!!

As a matter of fact, if you’re reading this post you’re probably one of my beloved friends that I have seemingly forgotten. Please know that work has, for the time being, got me caught up. Luckily I was forced to take this short break (I had my last bout with Milk in the form of a Venti Caramel Macchiato…no foam, extra vanilla, blended milk, dash of cinnamon, triple shot, upside down). If it werent for the massive upheaval I probably wouldnt be posting now.

I’m feeling better so back to work. If I dont post before Christmas, I’m wishing you all a very Merry Blogland Christmas. Please be safe and remember the true meaning of Christmas…and no Beg, it isnt getting all of the presents you can “lift” from your neighborhood drug store. LOL!!

Blessings!
Chops~

Oh! No word from the Circus Midget, so it looks like it’s going to be a very Merry Christmas for me!! LOL!

I think most of you know that I went on a 2 week cruise of the Mediterranean with part of my family back in October. I wrote this post on Day 1 of the cruise, but didn’t have a chance to post it ’till now….

——————————–
DAY 1-
First of all I am so pissed off that I’m sick. I haven’t had a cold or flu in 3 years but of course I would get one the day before I go on vacation. Who the heck gets sick in the middle of October?

So, on to the trip. After working all night I went directly to the SFO airport. I took a 5 and 1/2 flight to JFK (NY) airport, then a 9 hour flight to Nice, France where I was picked up by the cruise line and driven to Monaco.

The flight was hellacious to say the least. I have a whole new respect for people who fly on a regular basis. Just imagine trying to remain calm and sane after working an entire shift at work (which for me means staying up all night), then going directly to the airport and flying for over 16 hours (9 of which were spent with a baby crying the entire time), then being driven to Monaco where it’s 9am and a day later! After all of that I had to find a way to pull it together enough to shop (I know… poor me), and hang out all day before being taken to the ship.

The ride from the airport in Nice to Monaco was amazing. The architecture is gorgeous, and the views were…well just amazing. When I arrived in Monaco I was surprised that it was almost totally deserted. I guess traveling after the busy season is a good idea if you want to do the whole tourist thing without interruption.

After having lunch in a hotel (that was right on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea) I was shuttled to the dock. The ship was nice, but my suite was even better! The bathroom was the best part…big deep tub, marble everything! I think you get the point.

Once on the ship, I had a quick snack (after a look around for ummm…shall we say anything/anyone interesting) which was a waste of time. I think that besides myself the next youngest person on the ship was probably 65. It was really the “Geriatric Spot” as Chops would say.

Anyway, after unpacking I tried to nap but was awakened by the Captain sending us to the muster stations. The entire exercise was boring and provided me with another reminder of how pathetic my life is sometimes. My 85 year old grandmother was picked up on by another passenger who’s wife was standing right beside him, and I can’t even find a normal person to date…..WTF!!!???

Anyway here are a few pictures from the first day:

Day 1 down. More to follow.

wrck, wrck, wrck…off to lay my egg. (smile)

Sorry guys! No time to do the highlights. Maybe I’ll come back and do it later. If I dont get this out now, I never will…LOL!

Talk about Karma (I’ve been watching a lot of “My Name Is Earl” lately)! I’m sure by now everyone is familiar with my ex-Jacka$$, Mr. Circus Midget, right? Well if not, click on this link – “PART 1: Attack of the Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget!!” and “PART 2: The Empire Strikes Back Against the Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget” to read up on him (I’m warning you that these posts may seem mean and rude, but I was going through a form of purging…honest).

I didn’t post much more about “him” mainly because I was trying to get over my anger, and forgive. I think I’ve done this (to a large extent). I’m no longer angry at “him” for being a jerk and ruining my sleep for almost a year by calling in the wee hours of every morning drunk out of his mind. And, wow! Look at me! Still growing at this very minute! I’m not even referring to “him” as “IT” anymore!! I’m astounded at how far I’ve come!

Awhile back I alluded to the fact that Mr. Circus Midget had gotten married. What actually happened was that less than a month after he had finally stopped stalking me, he eloped with the Ghetto-Fabulous Mommy Dearest…now dubbed Mrs. Freak Of Nature Circus Midget. I referred to her as the Ghetto-Fabulous Mommy Dearest because she’s my age, has 3 or 4 of her own kids (the more you have, the more state checks you get), refuses to get a job because…well, as she put it “I don’t want or have to”, and a growing number of foster kids she uses to supplement her income. To my understanding she doest really like kids or treat them all that well either. I’ll keep my thoughts on that to myself.

So less than a year after the marriage, my cousin calls me and informs me (with a laugh caught in her throat) that Mr. Circus Midget is getting a divorce. I admit that I did give a hearty deep bellied laugh, but reality quickly set in and I sobered up. I’m not at all happy about this turn of events. It’s true that I believe you reap what you sow, but I figured that as long as he was somebody else’s problem, he would stop calling me. So far this theory has proved correct, but now I’m fearful to think of what this change in his marital status will mean to ME.

I’ve recently heard through the grapevine (my family) that he (Mr. Circus Midget) still thinks I’m the love of his life and that there may be a chance. Ummmm….someone please dip this “man” in water, pull out a taser gun and shock some sense back into him (not too high a frequency though…his little elf-ling body may not be able to take it)!

Why is it that men (not all men, just the egotistic) think that they can screw someone over, treat them like crap, piss on their good intentions, and seriously believe that if they have a change of heart, the woman should welcome them back with open arms and a loving lump-lump??? Get a clue….most women CAN and DO move on with their lives after a long term relationship dies. The world doesn’t revolve around YOU. Not all women pine after the jerk that treated them like crap, waiting for the day he’ll return so that she can lovingly call out to him, “HIT ME AGAIN IKE…AND PUT SOME STANK ON IT!!!”

All in all, I’m rooting for the marriage to make it. After all, they seem like two dysfunctional peas in a pod, and marriage isn’t something to take lightly.

Always in love…unless you think that you have the ability to return to the scene of the crime and take up residence again…NOT!!

Chops~

From all the birds!

Ok. I know it’s been a while but I’m still here. I was supposed to write about my trip to Vegas first, but let’s just say the dog ate the other post. This one is about my second birthday party at TGI Fridays.

It started off as a little get together with just the Songbirds. We were suppose to meet at either Chops house or BEG’s house. Well my mother just happened to see to e-vite that Shops sent out, and she got mad because she didn’t get one. I tried to explain that it wasn’t a party and she didn’t have to come out that night if she didn’t want to (she was suppose to be my babysitter), not to mention the fact that Chops and BEG live about 40mins from us. My mother insisted on coming, and then she opened her big mouth and told my grandmother and all 4 of my aunts! Then I started getting phone calls from some of my cousins saying they wanted to come too!

Now let me remind you, Chops and BEG both live in 1 bedrooms and don’t have enough room for all these people, so we had to move the party from Chop’s house to BEG’s house, and when more people RSVP’d (about 20 total) we made a final move to TGI Fridays.

When the day of the party rolled around I was making last minute calls just to make sure I knew how many people were coming. My aunts started backing out one-by-one. My aunt Gemini (who has a 19mo baby at the age of 45), said she wasn’t coming because the baby was sick. Then I call my other aunt that lives near her (we’ll call her Miss B.R.O.K.E. - because she always claims she is), and she says she isn’t coming because she doesn’t have any money (surprise, surprise), but she said that her daughter (who’s 16) still wants to come and will be catching the train out to where I am. Now being that my grandmother lives with Miss B.R.O.K.E. she obviously wasn’t coming either. ***Remember this is the day of the party***.

I talked to three of my other cousins and they said they couldn’t make it either. At this point I’m like f*ck it! I didnt care who showed up, just as long as the people who were suppose to be there did (the Songbirds). I hope I didn’t lose you yet cause that was a lot!

But anyway, when I get to TGI Friday it was just me and my younger cousin waiting for folks to show up. We really didn’t have to wait that long, but it was long enough for me to have a VERY big drink. My brother showed up with his girlfriend first. Now my brother is 4yrs and 364 days older then me. From what I recall, my friends put this party together for ME, but you would SWEAR it was for him too (at least HE thought it was). See, when we were younger my mom always had our parties together on HIS b-day, so I’m kinda bitter.

When we were seated everybody started to arrive. BEG got a carrot cake for me (without walnuts), and it was so gooooood! I stopped eating the food I paid for, cause I had to have the cake! My boyfriend showed up with one of his friends and it was on! I was already drinking shots of Patron back to back, then my boyfriend goes and gets me a d*mn water glass full of Patron and expected me to drink all of that sh*t! It didn’t happen, but I tried.

In the end we had a lot of fun, in spite of all the fakers! We were just missing one of our Songbirds. Ja-me couldn’t make it, but she’s the only one that had a real good reason. As for the rest of them…I know it was all bullsh*t - but it’s all good. We had plenty of fun talking about people. And if you weren’t there, we were probably talking about you…that is, if you’re related to me. Friends got a ghetto pass cause they were decent enough to tell me in advance if they couldn’t make it. But all those who waited until THAT DAY, you have NO excuse for missing my 30th Birthday Celebration. Thanks family!!!!

I’ll be working on getting the video on here so you guys can experience and enjoy. Just remember that it’ll be my b-day all month!!

SCORPIO’s RULE!!!!!!

~ScorpioK~

Pics and captions added by Chops:

The B-day girl…I mean, OLD LADY! What the hell is on your head??!!!

Yup. That says 50!!

Can You Feel The Love Tonight? Her man is here to save the day!! Yaayyy!

Just an old lady havin’ some fun on her b-day!

Just an old lady havin’ A LOT of fun on her birthday, and really close to dancing on the bar!

Ummm. Yeah…. Just a drunk old lady having A LOT of fun, AFTER dancin’ on the bar, exposing herself to the waiters, and being asked to kindly leave the restaurant (those poor children had to see all them wrinkles and wobbly parts!!). Keep it movin’ people!! Nothing to see here!!

“I’s aint movin’! I’s OLD and I’ll CUT YOU!” **Please kids! Dont point and stare!**

Dont worry old lady. We’ll hold you up ’till you get the feeling back in your little old legs!

To ScorpioK - from Chops, Ja-me, and BEG:
“Girl (and we use this word very loosely), you know we love you and we wish you a very happy 30th (ahem…50th) birthday!! Even though we wont be as old as you for quite some time, we’re sure that you’re going to have a fabulous time at “The Sizzler” gettin’ all those discounted meals!!! Luckyyyy!

You know we love you gurl (once again…we use this word VERY loosely)!

~Your fellow Songbirds~

Yesterday we celebrated ScorpioK’s 30th Birthday!!! We had a great time, and I (or one of the other Songbirds) will give you a play by play in an upcoming post, but in the meantime….

I was sent the following links by friends either without jobs, or with jobs that they frequent only to use the free internet services. You may have seen the links before, but they’re still pretty funny!

For the “Leather Pants” link, be sure to scroll all the way to the bottom to read the description (which is the funniest part).

For the “I Wanna Be Your Man” link….I’m just sorry in advance.

Click on the links below:
Leather Pants on Ebay

I Wanna Be Your Man…the next American Idol

Chops~

I know the last topic was hot and heavy and as much as I hate to change the subject…it’s time. Plus I was hoping that BEG and/or Chops had already beat me to the punch…ladies???? I know Scorpio K will have plenty to write about when she returns from her trip.

A topic that is near and dear to my heart although I am unsure why oddly enough. I believe I may have already touched on this topic when I first began posting (Will, that was in no way shape or form an open door for a comment by you…LOL)

The thought once again popped into my mind as my three year old crawled into my lap and quietly went to sleep without a care in the world. Unconditional love, what happens to that concept as the world slowly starts to open your eyes to life?

This is the definition the dictionary gives;
Unconditional: Without conditions or limitations; absolute
Love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness

I know that God loves us unconditionally (Thank you Jesus!!). Children remind me alot of times of the love that God has for us because they love so unselfishly it makes you forget about all the other nonsense.

They don’t care about how you look physically…how much weight you have gained/lost, if your azz is phat or not, is your belly flat or not, is your hair combed, what style it’s in, your fashion sense, what the highest level of education you completed, where you stand financially, what your “status” is, etc…(the list is never-ending)

It amazes me when I am sick how my six year old prays over me for my health, or how my three year old kisses my forehead and strokes my hair while asking if i’m okay. It makes you remember the small stuff that this world so easily can make you forget about while trying to keep up with…what? No, for real, at the end of the day, when we lay down for sleep just to get up and do it all again, what are we doing it for in the first place (besides the obvious)?

Okay, I know, I am running off on a tangent. Let me bring it back. I realize we were all made imperfect, but regardless of our imperfections, to know that there is a love out there that conquers all is completely mind blowing. We get so caught up in putting people in our personal little boxes and making snap judgements of those who don’t quite seem to fit in our worlds that we seem to forget to take a look in the mirror.

I guess at the end of the day, it’s way easier to point out someone else’s flaws to avoid focusing on our own. Our personal comfort zone. The tree house theory, ‘no outsiders allowed’.

I’m sorry guys, not sure where all this came from, but it was so heavy on me I had to write the thoughts down so I could get to sleep.

Until next time….

Holla Atcha Gurl!!!!

Okay, so the most freakish thing has been happening to me for at least the last four years.

For whatever reason, everytime I look at the clock, it is always 11:34. It does not matter if it is AM or PM…it never fails. I must say that for the past 6-8 months it stopped, but it started again just the other day.

Call me a crack head if you like, but I think it is just bizarre.

When it first started happening, I remember going through the Bible and checkin’ every 11th chapter & 34th verse to see if any of the scriptures applied to whatever I was possibly dealing with at that point in time, but I came up with nothing. Then as my already vivid imagination started to grow, I went back in time to the old “spell what you need to say in my pager” days.

Now I know you remember those days…304=hoe, 143=i love u, 1134=HELL…need I say more? However, I quickly erase the thought as soon as it enters my head because I absolutely refuse to give the devil that kind of power!

To top it all off, ironically my youngest daughter was born atttt….you gussed it 1134a.

So when this freakish incident happened yet again this evening, I decided to call Chops and share my very odd fable to see what her thoughts were. Of course she concurred=FREAKY!

Then of course knowing us, we got into another interesting (to say the least) discussion regarding kissing.

Come to find out…WE BOTH DISLIKE KISSING. Please do not ask how this topic came about, anything is possible when it comes to our bevy. I also believe BEG shares the same feelings on this matter, Scorpio K is questionable.

Sorry to those of you who enjoy this “passionate” endeavor , but I just think it can get disgusting. All wet and sloppy like, ewwww. An please don’t roll over in the morning and think this is the first thing I want to do. Maybe after some brushing, flossing and mouth wash, but don’t expect too much out of me.

I just think this whole kissing thing is overrated.

So please share your thoughts, especially about this 1134 issue.

Holla Atcha Gurl!!!

A day in my life at work….

8A: I get in, log on to my computer

801A: Allllll the fat hens that sit around me (literally) start discussing what their eating for lunch (isn’t that generally around noonish?)

9A: they’ve just finished eating their greasy breakfast (I know this because my side of the office smells of all things fried)

905A: They are still discussing what they will eat for lunch

930A: I can’t take/stand their loud ass cackling so I plug my ears with the headphones of my MP3 player and put it on B L A S T

10A: I’m rushing out the door to my should be 15min break

1030ish: I’m back at my desk with my headphones in….yes, they are still discussing food.

12P: The talks of food get more intense and detailed

1215:
Hen #1 - “Well I want Taco Bell”
Hen #2 - “but I thought we said we were eating Nations today”
Hen #3 - “I think I want a Costco hot dog”
Hen #4 - “What about In and Out?”
Hen #5 - “ooohh how about pizza?”
All Hen’s together - “ooooohhhh aaahhhhhhh mmmmmmm, that sounds goooddddddd”
Upset Hen #8 - “well I don’t want pizza so I’m going to get me some chinese food, plus I had pizza last night!”
Hen #10 - “Hey y’all I got coupons”

1230p: I’m off to my should be 30min lunch

130ish: The loud ass cackling has quieted down to smacking, occasional growls and grunts, and small talk.

230ish: talks of sleep fill the office

315ish: talks of needing a “snack” in order to stay awake fill the office

4P: while snacking, the discussion of who will be having what for dinner arises

415p: I am watching the clock (literally)

430p: DAMN! I thought this day would never end…and guess what…it’s only Monday. Awwwww sheit, I got four more days to go!

I try to remain thankful in the fact that I have a very good paying job with decent bebefits. However, in my heart of hearts it is truly time to move on. Not sure of what yet, but having to report there is becoming almost unbearable. To the point that I just don’t care. Most days I just want to throw my hands up and quit but the thought of my every day bills flood my mind. No, it’s not just because of the hens, it’s the corporate world/office politics/hens all bundled together.

Who knows, maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than I think. Least I hope so.

Until next time…

Holla Atcha Gurl!

Thought this was interesting. I got it from one of those Hotmail topics that pop up when you’re looking at your email.

I personally think that if your date has an annoying habit you should shine a light on it with sarcasm, mixed with a public display of ridicule, then slap them until they stop. Just kidding…really!

Always in love…unless I run the risk of contracting botulism because you refuse to clean out your fridge every few months.

Your date’s annoying habits: How to deal
By Steve Friedman

You’re seeing someone who’s fantastic—except for that one tiny quirk that totally sets you on edge. Should you grin and bear it or bail?

My friend Jack was dating a woman who had a great sense of humor, a doctorate in astrophysics, and the looks of Kathy Ireland. Yes, the swimsuit model.

“So why are you breaking up with her? Why are you being insane?” I asked Jack. Guys often talk to each other like this.

“She does bad impressions,” Jack said.

Bad impressions? Bad impressions? Jack had been my friend for a long time, and I knew he was picky, but now he was breaking up with a gorgeous, rich rocket scientist because she couldn’t do Jimmy Durante to his satisfaction? Couldn’t he learn to live with this small flaw?

No, he said, he couldn’t. What he had learned was that when it came to annoying habits, it was better to bail immediately.

I had to hand it to Jack, whose approach was brutal but effective. Honestly, was it really any worse than the way I had asked my then-girlfriend — a well-read, sexy triathlete and legal-aid lawyer — if she could please stop pronouncing “umbrella” with the accent on the first syllable? She said no, she couldn’t—and why didn’t I take some of the energy I used to nag her and devote it to cleaning out my fridge every few months so she didn’t risk contracting botulism every time she came to my place and… we ended up breaking up, too.

Which leads me to ask: What is the best way to deal with the little things that bug you in the person you’re seeing? I’m not talking about critical differences in overall values, like your membership in Greenpeace and your date’s “Nuke the Whales” bumper sticker. I’m not talking about chemistry-killers like incompatible kissing techniques or bad grooming habits. No, I’m talking about the little things: The bad impressions. The umbrella pronunciations. Overly enthusiastic food chewing. The way your date still says “Wasssuuuup!” when greeting people. Should you communicate your teeth-grinding hatred of these quirks—or just grin and bear it? And if you must opt for the former, how and when should you broach the topic? Some advice (and much-needed relief) is below:

Rule #1: Be gentle
You can’t stand the way she stirs sugar into her coffee, how she stirs for a full five seconds, then says “ahhhh,” and taps the spoon on the rim. No one blames you for your feelings. Really. But you will be blamed if you say, “What’s wrong with you?” Or, “What is your problem?” Or, “I can’t stand the psychotic coffee-stirring anymore; it’s just sugar, pour, stir, drink, don’t you understand that?”

No, the better way is thus: “Sandra, I have so much fun when I’m with you and I look forward to our times together. And I hope it’s OK, but I’d like to share some of my quirky side. Yeah? You don’t mind hearing it? OK, well, I don’t know why, but when people stir coffee for a long time, I just get bothered. It puts me on edge. I’m sure you had no idea this bothers me and I know this sounds a little crazy, but do you think you could stir your coffee a little less?”

Rule #2: Have a sense of humor about it
You don’t like the way he whistles the theme song from Rocky every time you two go out the door for a jog? Rather than complaining, maybe you could make a joke. “Hey, how about The Magnificent Seven for a change? Or even better, how about The Sound of Silence?”

Just keep in mind that you shouldn’t go overboard. “I wouldn’t sign up for the American Idol tryouts just yet” might seem the height of hilarity to you, but someone who really enjoys singing in the shower might not take it that way. Case in point: “I usually make fun of the habit,” says an old friend of mine, referring to his wife. “Gently at first, then with a little more edge, and finally with enough sarcasm that, even if it does not stop the habit, destroys her self-esteem.” Actually, it’s ex-wife now. What a surprise.

Rule #3: Blame yourself
A friend of mine, Missy, had been dating a guy — a high-school teacher — for three months. He made her laugh. He kissed so well she smiled just thinking about it. She admired the passion he had for his work, the way he worried about his students. But he said “sweaty” too much. To him, “sweaty” was an adjective that connoted not just a physical state, but also conferred value on a person or achievement. Whereas someone else would pronounce something “awesome” or “incredible,” the high-school teacher would say, “Sweaty!”

My friend could have said, “Enough with ‘sweaty’ already,” or “What the hell is it with you and ‘sweaty’?” But she didn’t. Instead, she owned up to her own sensitivity. She said, “I know it’s my issue, honey, but would you mind not saying ‘sweaty’ so much; it’s just a word that makes me nuts.” They’re still together.

Rule #4: Time it right
Keep quiet when you’re in high dudgeon over the behavior. “Must you chew so loudly?” is going to sound shrill and angry when you’re ready to strangle him at the breakfast nook as he chomps his way through a bowl of Count Chocula. Calm down first. And no fair to complain when you’re fighting over an unrelated matter. It hurts you the way his mother never utters your name? That’s OK. But when he defends her as absent-minded, you don’t need to scream, “And if she were any kind of real parent, she would have taught you that’s it’s just plain ugly to tuck your Hawaiian shirt into your shorts!” Stay on point. If something about your date really annoys you, wait for a time when you’re not annoyed to break the news.

Rule #5: Ask yourself if it’s worth it
Lest you throw away a perfectly fine relationship, ask yourself: Is it really that bad? Couldn’t Jack have learned to live with a less-than-stellar “That’s all, folks?” Wasn’t Missy risking an awful lot when she brought up the “sweaty” issue with her otherwise wonderful beau? After all, no one’s perfect, in fact it’s these quirks that make us human. Maybe, over time, successful couples learn to tune out each other’s idiosyncrasies—or even come to love them.

Steve Friedman is the author of The Gentleman’s Guide To Life.
www.happenmag.com.

To all of our old Blogspot buddies, as well as our new Blogsome pals….Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!!

We’ve been on a mini strike from our Blogspot site, mainly because of our grueling schedules, but with this new site we hope to rekindle our passion for blogging!

Drink #1

So onto BEG’s Birthday Bash!

The night was a success! BEG started out her Napoleon Dynamite themed B-day party at the Claremont Resort’s ‘Paragon Bar’, then moved us all over to the second spot - Maxwell’s Lounge

I got there a little late…okay, a little late according to MY standards . The Paragon is soooo cute! There was a great jazz trio playing soft tunes, great ambiance, and cool people. It’s a cool relaxing hang out spot that I wouldn’t mind frequenting with the rest of the gang.

BEG’s uncle, uncle-in-law, and mom were in attendance, in addition to a host of other friends. She was simply glowing (which I guess is normal for folks poppin’ Geritol). Either way, she looked good!

BEG’s uncle ordered everyone a load of fancy Mac ‘n Cheese, so I was forced to run out into the cold and search my car for at least 2 extra-more-than-extra strength lactaid pills (one for me and one for BEG…didnt we tell you we have sever lactose intolerancy?). I convinced BEG to come out to the car with me so that I could give her the birthday gift, which she absolutely loved - A Napoleon Dynamite T-shirt with a drawing of a “Liger” printed on it….

I also gave her a video that I cant remember the name of right now. Something about a girl who turns into a cartoon, and a kangaroo. Dont ask me, it’s one of BEG’s favorite movies EVER.

BEG also got a custom made t-shirt from Ja-me which I have yet to see, but I’m sure I will since BEG stated that she plans on wearing it day and night for the rest of the month…can you say issues? ScorpioK got her something too, but I cant really recall what that was so I’ll have to refer to her to let us know.

The best part of the phase 1 of the evening was the CAKE!!! One of her co-workers made this beautiful Napoleon Dynamite cake for her for FREE!! Peep:

The only thing missing was a few extra candles (like 30).

At Maxwell’s we had a good time. I must admit that when we first walked in I could smell the strong scent of Tiger Balm Arthritis Rub. I thought I was trippin until we walked in and I saw that this is where the old folks went when their retirement communities closed down.

We all got seats and had dinner. Now I know the other SB’s (songbirds) are gonna talk crap about me, but Maxwell’s catfish nuggets were SCREAMIN’!!! I cant even begin to describe how good it felt for the fish to melt onto my tongue, and trickle…no - GLIDE down my esophagus! Heaven, people. Heaven!!

After eating and drinking…..

and drinking…..

more drinking….

alas, more drinking

oh lawd…more drinking….

We got on the dance floor. The music was okay, but to be honest it catered to the geriatrics. Fortunately BEG was able to give us the details on the old school jams, being that she’s from that era.

I, of course, was attacked by an old midget, Ja-me was seduced by the only 12 year old in the joint, ScorpioK was hounded by a deaf mute, but BEG got away scot-free for the night! Ja-me was non-stop, breaking it down on the floor with her might-as-well-be-sister “T”. ScorpioK was doing her thang too…as long as it was with her man…cause you know he dont play all that hanky panky.

Now speaking of ScorpioK’s man…I’ll call him Mr.Hot-Stepper. All of the songbirds agree that he is our hero. He is the coolest cat EVER! For BEG’s birthday (as a special favor), he did the PRINCE DANCE!! Oh dayum if yall could’ve been there! It was so freakin funny! He shuffled forward, while quickly running his hands up and down his body, doing the “OHOWAH!” cry that Prince is famous for!!

He’s our hero cause even though every single fossil in the club was shooting walkers and canes at him with their beady little hazy eyes, he did it with FEELING! Not only this, but he and I had a professional dance off that night on the dance floor. He pulled out the reebok, I pulled out the Re-Run, he broke out with the Wop, and I threw out the smurf. Cheers to you my worthy opponent!!

The rest of the night went very smoothly…oh. I forgot something. Let me just preface this by saying that it was a total accident. I love BEG with all of my heart. She and the other SB’s are my sisters for real! I would neva-eva-eva do anything to hurt any of them intentionally!!

Okay, so with that said here’s what happened:

BEG’s friend saw one of his friends at the lounge, and greeted him with an OVERLY emphasized man-hug. It was all about fiercely bumpin’ chests, flailing arms, and fists punching backs! Being the nut jobs we are, we decided to imitate them. Ummm. Not a very good idea.

We started out okay, but when we got to the flallin’ arms something went very wrong. Next thing I know BEG’s head was making contact with my fist. My story is that she threw her head onto my fist, but I really have no proof since everything went so fast!!

In the end poor BEG was left with a cut lip (which was really bleeding). I apologized profusely, but everyone treated me like a felon anyway.

I’M SOOOOOO SORRY BEG!!! YOU WERE STILL BEAUTIFUL…EVEN WITH THAT SPLIT LIP!! AND HEY! AT LEAST YOU DIDNT FEEL IT! THANK GOODNESS FOR ALL THAT BOOZE IN YOUR SYSTEM!! LOL!!

Always in love…unless you cut my girls lip on her birthday….oh dear

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH BEG!!!

Hey all! I was just looking at Call2Arms new site on Blogsome, and I decided that we (the Songbirds) should really consider moving over. The best way to convince the rest of the Songbirds to move is to get the site all nice and tidy for them to ease on into!!

So here I am, trying to set it up. I cant wait till it’s done cause I really love the categories!! Yayyy!

Always in love….ha ha ha!!

Chops~ (Lambchop)

Well, I know it’s been a long time since I wrote something but I’ve been very busy. My kids have been doing extracurricular activities, and one of my brothers got married on the 15th of Oct. but that is a whole other story. The tale I’m going to tell is about my oldest brother that came from New York to stay with us. Now my brother came out here two years ago, he was suppose to be on his own within six months to a year. Well as you probably guessed he’s still here. Now let me give you some background on my brother. We will call him Senior Scorpio (his b-day is the day after mine). Ok since we were young he has had a problem with keeping himself and his room clean. Now you would expect that of a growing boy going through puberty. Well S.S. is now in his mid-thirties and he still needs to be told to wash his body and his clothes. Not to mention change the dirty clothes he has on. He shares my sons’ room and the smell that comes out of there is awful. I have done all I could, from telling him he stinks, to going in there and cleaning it myself. I even bought my son a new bunk bed set. The old one had a full size bed at the bottom and this one has a futon chair that pulls out into a twin size bed. Well, he was suppose to move into a 2 bedroom apt with his girlfriend, but the week before, he got drunk and spent about $400(that wasn’t his, from they’re joint account) on bulls*it. She got mad and got their deposit back from the apt. I was so mad because he is still here. Well now he is suppose to be moving again. With the same girl, about 15 minutes away in her mothers apt building. Can we all jump for joy!!! I am counting down the days (it’s now 2 days to go). Hopefully he will get out and stay out. He is so childish, and when my son who is eleven can take a bath and clean up after himself better than an 33 year old there is a big problem. Well now it is his girlfriends problem. I hope she likes cleaning up after a grown man.

I will be writing later to tell you guys about my other brother’s wedding. You will get a good laugh from that one.